Tuesday, April 27, 2010

...Rediscovery of One's Self...

Not much time passed until she even tried to control my marriage. Fearful of her abandonment and still wanting to please her, unknowingly I let her have still that small power over me. It took nearly four years for me to see her for who she truly is.

Within the first year of our marriage, God blessed us with a wonderful daughter. She was absolutely beautiful, perfect in every way. I hadn't intended on being a mother. The thought frightened me beyond belief. One day, expectantly, he melted that corner of my heart.

As I watched him with a friend's daughter, I saw the great dad he could be. How could I take that away from him? I couldn't. I loved him too greatly to even consider it. If he could do it, and would be by my side, then so could I. Through him, I found the strength to overcome the fears bore deep inside me of being the same mother to our children as mine had been to me. Six months later, a tiny little heart grew deep inside me. In my belly, our daughter began to flourish.

God had blessed us with a beautiful baby girl. Each day I learned more what it was to be a mother than the day before. Each day I realized that I could never hurt her like I had been hurt. Each day I began to understand that it was not my fault. Each day the darkness faded more and more.

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