Tuesday, April 27, 2010

...Lost and Found...

He didn't stay with her much this time. Their relationship was over much faster this time. Things didn't quite return to as they were this time. I was overtaken in darkness that no one seemed to be able permeate.

When puberty began, so did purging. I would eat as little as possible and vomit it back up. I weighed less than 100 lbs at 13 years old. The lowest I weighed myself was at 92 lbs. I was healthy at 115 or so. No one knew, but I was slowly killing myself from starvation. When slitting my wrists didn't work, purging became my outlet. When I became too weak to purge, I would cut myself. Anything to numb the pain I felt inside.

However, nothing worked. There was the dull ache, always there. I was 13. Boys began noticing me. I wasn't sure how to acknowledge their attention. So I became promiscuous. I hurt people who genuinely cared for me. I lost friends and myself.

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