Tuesday, April 27, 2010

...And Yet Ignored...

This secret was something that I was terrified to share. It was, after all, my fault. She did have a gun, and thought I was jealous of her. What if she were to use it?

My first boyfriend was the person I confided my burden to. He urged me to tell her. She should know, he said. I didn't want to tell her, but maybe he was right? Tearfully, I went to her with her and asked to speak with her privately. She says that whatever I need to say I can say with her newest beau present. So I begin to tell her that he hurt me. "I'll kill the son-of-a-bitch" she proclaims while going for her gun. Terrified, I yell "No!". Crying over the next minutes, maybe hours, I'm terrified that what he said will become true.

Sensitive to the emotions going through me, her beau returns to his home so we could talk. What ensues is just shattering. Instead of hugs, or reassurances, I receive something entirely different.

With tears still streaming down my face after taking such a huge step and saying the words allowed, she looks at me and says "You shouldn't have said anything in front of HIM! That makes me look bad!" She rants about what if he tells social services and they take me away or make me live with my father. "You'll lose all your friends and have to move and then I couldn't pay for anything for you because we wouldn't have child support anymore".

Telling her did nothing but hurt me even more. Maybe she already knew.

No comments: