Friday, April 30, 2010

...Manifested Through Love...

I'm growing as a person, a mother, a wife and a daughter. I've found a valuable friend in my mother-in-law. She's a constant. She's faithful, loyal and loving. She is what a mother should be. I can see that now.

My husband's parents are generous enough to bring her with them when they drive 5 hours to see us and meet our son for the first time. I'm not sure why, but I had hopes that she would do nothing to hurt me, though not physically, but emotionally, this visit.

Physically she had not harmed me since I had left her abode. Words, though, formed a two-edged sword with which she continually lashed me. I was the "bad" kid. My siblings who struggled with habitual drugs, lying, alcohol and countless acts of infidelity were definitely better off than me. I had never touched drugs, smoked cigarettes, cheated on my husband yet I was the one who was a disappointment. I wanted to please her, to be the good child. I wanted acceptance. Too late did I find out that no matter how hard I worked, I would never be good enough for her.

My exterior must have been hardening; she didn't seem to affect me as much as before. I did not come out unscathed. Committing fraud is a serious act. I knew and had reported her for doing so. Babies are in-utero for approximately 9 months. For most people they are not a surprise. Before leaving, she hands me a $50 and says something about hoping she has enough money to eat for the week and that she thinks she'll be ok, but that she hopes we can use the money. I try to return it to her, because we were blessed enough to not need it. She wouldn't take it. In my brain, I knew that she had money and would be ok, but in my heart, I could not stand the thought of someone going hungry, not even her.

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