Tuesday, November 9, 2010

All The Problems In Life Can Be Solved

Walking through life I've found you can pretty much solve everything with two simple things.
If you need it to stop, use Duck Tape. If you need it to go, use WD-40.


That is, until I lactated. At first, I was a little timid about it. The liquid essence was meant only for my baby and that was it. I soon discovered that it was meant for much much more.

Have you ever tried to suction a baby's nose when there's a humongous booger hanging out way up there? It's not easy, let me tell you. There's saline, but from personal experience, it stinks, literally. It was by happy accident that I sprayed her in the nose and the slime evacuated much easier. Hmm, there must be something to this breastmilk stuff.

Cough? Eh, breastmilk will fix it (yes, on the hubby/aunt/sister/brother/cousin/unsuspecting stranger as well)

Diarrhea? Breastmilk can fix that too.

Acne? Yep, you guessed it. Breastmilk to the rescue once again.

Pink eye going around in your kid's class? A couple squirts a day will fix your kidlet right up.

Eye or Ear infection? No need for those cold yucky drops, just a couple squirts a day at just the right temperature will fix that too.

Need something lubricated? Breastmilk sure smells a lot better than WD-40 (and cheaper than KY)!

Woke up with a crusty eye? Breastmilk can rid you of that as well.

Need a quick facial? How about silky smooth hair? A quick scrub with breastmilk will have you good to go.

Want soap with all natural ingredients? Make breastmilk soap!

Play outside all day and forget the insect repellent? No fear, squirt some milk on those annoyingly itchy red spots and rub it on. Begone with the itchies!

Need to clean a contact lens that popped out? No solution with you? Gasp! Use your milk! It's FREE!

Buy a gorgeous vintage pair of earrings at a thrift store and just dying to wear them RIGHT NOW? Don't fret! Use your milk to clean away any lingering germs from the previous user.

A little person fall and get hurt? Does he need more than just a kiss to make it better? Snuggle him close and offer him your breast. As he latches on look into his eyes, kiss his forehead and let him know that everything will be alright. You'll see the love in his eyes, the trust, the healing come over him and you'll know that you are doing absolutely the most wonderful thing you could for him at that moment. He'll thank you for it and you'll have those moments cemented in your memory when one day he no longer fits on your lap or no longer needs those kisses to make everything better. Those moments will be the ones that leave just a small slither of your heart intact when he must find his own way in his own life. You'll never forget those moments when Mommy made everything better with just a kiss, hug and sip. They'll be gone, but you'll always remember. Always.

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